5. How to transform a defensive strategy into Essence

Hi Saweety Buddy! Aunt JD right here. Right now. I’m so excited to be exploring with such a willing and able curious adventurer at heart! I can imagine how you use your Essence qualities from the inside out. I can imagine you feeling powerful knowing you have all those resources inside of you that you can count on to help you navigate any situation. So many Essence qualities, so little time. Gigl. Let’s get to the question of the day because it’s a badoozy of a super power that I want you to have in your repertoire. 

Today’s Question:

How do I teach my defensive strategies how to trust my Essence qualities?

Essence qualities like Simplifying, Discerning, Releasing, Accepting, and Intuiting are so much more powerful and fun to use than defensive strategies like, judgments, feeling superior, scapegoating, fawning, or resisting. The challenge is in transforming a defensive strategy that is working hard to get a need met and highly entrenched in our Unconscious Procedural Manual when we’ve been doing it for so long. 

You can transform resisting into Accepting, feeling superior into Curiosity, and judgments into Discernment. Today, let’s explore how to transform feeling superior into Curiosity. Have you ever been curious about why many of us need to feel superior to others? Why, out of all the choices we have to respond to what’s happening, would we need to call someone an idiot? Get curious about what is going on inside of each one of us when we do this. 

In feeling Superior we are all trying to let ourselves know that we wouldn’t do something that stupid so we can reassure ourselves that we can trust ourselves to act or express differently than the less-than person. In a system where we were taught to compare ourselves with others to know how well we’re doing, this is the only option. This begs the curious question though, what if we didn’t have to compare ourselves with others to know how well we’re doing? 

Comparing is a defensive strategy. Knowing is an Essence quality. Comparing ourselves to others leaves us making each other right or wrong for various digressions. Tapping into our deep Knowing allows us to feel the truth inside of us without the need to make anyone or anything right or wrong. Since being made wrong IS the trigger point for each of us to activate our defensive strategies, then we can see why we’re all getting defensive way to often when we really just want to be authentic. 

So how do we teach our Comparer-to-be-superior Protector inside how to use it’s valuable skills of noticing, motivating, comparing, guarding, and fluffing our self-esteem through external noticings and transform them into our Knowings internally? Knowing means possessing inside knowledge or information. Where would we go inside to feel this powerful feel-good sensation internally?

The pathway opens up internally as soon as you speak a Simple Truth to yourself internally to validate your current experience and transform your sense of self from outwardly focused to inwardly focused. The inward pathway can’t be accessed with only an outward focus. We’ve all been missing this inner pathway because we’ve been so trained to focus our selves outward comparing ourselves to others externally.

Let’s connect to this inner pathway now:

Simple Truth I appreciate the heck out of you Comparing-to-be-superior Protector. I know you’ve been working so hard to make sure we feel like the right one and not the wrong one in the world of rightness or wrongness that we learned. 

Notice how your body responds. Does your body let go somewhere in your torso that felt good to let go of? Did your body tighten somewhere inside with fear? Just notice these body sensations for a moment and notice what happens to your experience when you’re the notice-r of the body sensations and not the body sensations themselves. 

Simple Truth I’m realizing our trained-in system of self-esteem is way to dependent on what’s happening with other people.

Notice your body again. Your mind might tell you to skip ahead but that would be missing the pathway to your internal knowing. 

In a few short moments you can connect to your insides Sweet Bud in a way that feels calming and soothing and regulating to you. You are developing a voice in your head that speaks the Simple Truth to you and Validates your experiences so there’s someone home inside who’s giving you an Essencey perspective instead of a fear-based perspective. You’re teaching yourself to bring an Essencey experience to the parts of you that probably never received the Essencey treatment before. This creates transformation inside. 

This Essence voice is your authentic voice my dear friend. Your defensive strategies of Pleasers, Protectors, and Punishers all have voices inside of you. As you learn to discern the difference by speaking Simple Truths and noticing how your body responds you feel your inherent power to be the master of your emotions, the wise-guide for your powerlessness beliefs and defensives strategies, and the motivation to find your meanings and purpose in this life.

Next time we’re going to learn about a specific memory system we have inside that works like no other memory system inside of us, our Implicit Memory. We’ll explore how our Unconscious Procedural Manuals get imprinted with our powerlessness beliefs and defensive strategies and becomes who we think we are. Of course we’ll continue to transform our Unconscious Procedural Manuals and do some rewiring of our insides by having more experiences of speaking Simple Truths and Validations to our insides. Can’t wait to explore with you next time. Your authenticity matters to me. The more we all learn to be our authentic selves by discovering the aspects of us that don’t know how to be authentic, our powerlessness fears and defensive strategies, the kinder and more caring we are with each other. Especially during stressors, challenges and conflicts. See you in a few!