9. How Both/and Perception validates you're in your Authenticity

Hi Essencey Buddy! How are you doing with your new way of being with yourself? Are you catching the training you received and noticing how it wasn’t always teaching you how to trust your authentic self? It can feel very sad to realize that we have been thinking we’re being authentic all these years but we’ve been stuck in Pleaser, Protector, or Punisher defensive strategies. Remind yourself it’s a good thing that you’re noticing now because with your expanding awareness, you get to live the rest of your life as your authentic self. 

Our last exploration was about either/or perception and how it limits our view of reality and how that sends our lives outside of seeing the whole picture. If we’re not seeing the whole picture, we’re going to be acting like a bunch of hypocritical, incongruent, do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do, needing to be right sassy-holes! Giggle. We better get to our question before I get to sassy myself!

Today’s Question:

How is both/and thinking a more powerful and effective approach to change what’s happening as compared to either/ors?

Last time, we discovered how much either/or thinking gets in our way of getting what we want even though it’s trying to help us get what we want. Now let’s compare these either/or experiences to both/and experiences. 

Both/and includes polarities and all the in between. Our bodies relax when we hear both/ands. For example, This didn’t go the way I wanted it to AND how can I still create what I want?

Both/And thinking emanates from your authenticity. It’s how you can sense if you’re seeing reality clearly or not. If I’m trying to be right, my mind won’t be showing me all of reality. Only the parts that line up with me being right.

Both/and perception, the capability of seeing more than one perspective, is how you can gauge if you’re in your authenticity or not. 

When your mind and body are in a both/and state of perceiving experiences you are functioning outside of any perceived threat to your sense of self. This means you’re free to be you and track the truth inside of you instead of thinking other people’s defensive strategies are seeing the truth about you. They’re not!

In order to live in both/and world you are required to step outside of the who’s right or who’s wrong playing field and swing away in the Simple Truth playing field. For example, when someone’s punisher is either/or-ing you through their Punisher defensive strategy, you can calm your propensity to slide back into seeing yourself through either/ors by speaking a Simple Truth to yourself: I’m realizing our body is automatically reacting to their punisher trying to make us wrong by trying to prove we were the right one. Then notice how your body responds. This will settle your insides enough to allow your mind to open back up to be able to remember how to face situations from both/and.

In a body mind state of both/and we send out unconscious signals to others that allow their body to relax and let go of perceiving any threat to their senes of self. Others can actually sense that we can perceive multiple perspectives of what’s going on so we are safely open minded. They relax and drop into Essencey authenticity where we can figure out our differences together.

Our both/and mindset feels powerful to us because we can feel creative ideas flowing inside of us that feel like motivating comets of energy propelling us to want to create change.

In both/and mode our feelings are less intense and we feel capable of riding the waves of our emotions because our emotions are free of the intensity of our powerlessness fears of being unlovable, unworthy, or lacking value. We’re not hyper-vigilantly guarding ourselves from being the wrong one.

In both/and perception we don’t perceive what’s coming at us as stressful and overwhelming. We perceive what’s happening as challenges to let our plethora of Essence qualities shine. For example, we might take a moment to cultivate a feeling of trust and faith in ourselves or our bodies by reminding ourselves how right action spontaneously emerges from our Essence qualities.

We feel ourselves generating energy inside of us when we tap into our Essence qualities and perceive through both/ands. Either/ors drain us of energy.

Both/Ands allow us to focus on whatever we want to focus on creatively. We no longer have grievances that get stuck in us so we are free to create what we want instead of continually talking about what we don’t want as if that will bring us to a creative resolution. Either/ors keep bringing the grievance to the foreground of our awareness.

Both/and perception allows us to feel regulated and ready to create while we hold both ends of a polarity within us at the same time. For example, Let’s say I just realized that this person I’m talking to has very different beliefs than I do. We’ve all been there lately! Instead of automatically believing our cultural either/or training that if we don’t believe the same then one of us has to be wrong, I can notice the differences and cultivate and expand our similarities: “Sounds like we both care deeply about this country and value humans working together to create good things happening for all of us.” 

I know what you’re thinking. So what! They’re not going to change their rigid beliefs. Well, unfortunately, that part of you is thinking in either/ors. What has been missing for all of us is Validation. When our current experience is validated, our current experience transforms into our Essencey body/mind state

You’re not validating your similarities as the end result. Either/ors are trying to be certain about an outcome. Either/ors jump to the outcome because they weren’t taught to trust the process of creating in the moment from both/ands. Remember, both/ands relax our minds and bodies and either/ors contract our minds and bodies. When you validate someone’s wants or needs at the emotional level not the content level, they feel understood and drop their defenses. 

Trying to validate at the content level: I can see how you would see it that way. Or, I’m sorry you feel that way. (Usually lands flat and doesn’t transform anything.)

Validating at the emotional level: I know you’re wanting to trust that people have a plan or a path to being good humans to one another. (Satisfies the deeper want below the fighty anger rigidity and so settles the fighty anger rigidity.)

In the meantime, You’re discovering that you have the power to regulate the playing field you’re playing on so you can both remember to see each other through both/ands instead of either/ors. Once they’re seeing you and themselves through both/and Essence, you can have an Essencey conversation instead of a fear-based either/or convo. You get to feel the power of your creative authenticity to transform previously stuck situations. And that feels boatloads more fulfilling than being right anyway.

Oh my goodness Buddy, we went deep into our own insides once again to discover more about how to be authentic. Authenticity is a human connected to their Essence qualities. Authenticity has the power to transform circumstances from fear to love, either/ors to both/ands, stuckness into ease and flow. Next time how about if we explore more about powerlessness and how to transform powerlessness fear by speaking Simple Truths to it?